


Every arrow that I aim is true, but I miss you.

by lanseloet



Category: Clean Bandit (Band), Years & Years (Band)
Genre: Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 01:37:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6353695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanseloet/pseuds/lanseloet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neil is not amused when he sees Olly at the album launch, it simply hurts too much to see him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every arrow that I aim is true, but I miss you.

**Author's Note:**

> HUGE HUGE HUGE thanks to Emmy for britting and betaing, this wouldn't be nearly as good without your help <3 
> 
> Title taken from I miss you by Kacey Musgraves.
> 
> As always, this is a work of fiction. Please don't share it with anyone involved in/with this fic. Keep that fourth wall up and high :)
> 
> Feel free to leave kudos and comments etc if you like this xx

Neil knows he’s being ridiculous and petty but he is honestly so annoyed about Olly being here. He’s also super pissed at Grace for not telling him Olly would be here. So of course he is sulking in a corner, scrolling through his phone and avoiding any sort of interaction with people. If this wasn’t their album launch, he’d have left. 

 

Neil feels stupid about feeling and behaving this way, and he knows he shouldn’t. It’s been almost a year since he and Olly broke up. He should be over it by now, shouldn’t still be this bitter. 

 

His life has generally been great recently anyway, Neil knows this. Knows that he has done and experienced amazing things. He was happy, usually. Tonight though, he’s having a hard time remembering that. Not thinking about Olly was a lot bloody easier when he didn’t have to see him. It was easier when he didn’t have to look at his wet lips and the way his collarbones showed slightly under his shirt. 

 

~

 

Olly feels out of place. Although everyone, well barring a certain person, has been nothing but lovely to him, but he still feels like he shouldn’t have come. Right now, it’s hard to remember why he accepted the invititation. 

 

It wasn’t like Olly was dying to see how happy Neil was and how he had moved on. Olly hadn’t. Despite shagging and or dating nice and not so nice people and doing things that he loved. He just couldn’t help but miss Neil immensely, miss him so much it crushed him. Couldn’t help but think how much better his life would be if Neil was still in it. Tonight was just another reminder that Neil really did not want to be in it. 

 

Olly considers leaving, just ditching the others and going home. Maybe he could call some bloke for a hook up, get Neil’s name, Neil’s perfect everything of his mind. But he doesn’t, if Neil’s moved on, Olly will show him just how much he has moved on too. 

 

~

 

Olly doesn’t seem to be having a good time either, Neil consoles himself thinking, so that’s something at least. Then he just feels ashamed at being so mean. He wants Olly to be happy, he just wishes he could still be the reason why.

 

Part of him does want to go over, talk with Olly. Hear his voice in real life, feel his breath up close and look into those beautiful eyes. But he admits to himself that he is scared. Scared that Olly won’t want to talk to him. Scared that if he does talk with Olly, he’ll be sad about still having nothing more than that.

 

~

 

If Olly still knows Neil he suspects that he will just hide in a corner all night, unless someone forces him to come out of it. It makes him feel awful, because well this party is for Neil and his band. Neil should be having a good time and promoting to what sounds like an incredible album. Olly feels guilty for showing up and ruining that, for ruining everything. He wonders if he should go over and apologise. Not that he knows how much good it will do, maybe it’ll just piss Neil off. 

 

What if he went over with a drink though? Something to break the ice between them. Although the ice between them was probably thicker than the north pole. 

~

 

As soon as he sees Grace make her way over, Neil knows he’s in trouble. She looks like she could kill him, which he wouldn’t put past her. 

 

The thing is, Neil knows very well he’s being stupid and rude and a long list of other idioms. But he doesn't quite know how not to be. Not when Olly is here, looking this good. Not when Olly is here and Neil doesn ' t even get to fucking hold him. 

 

“Neil,” Grace says, with a swift kick to his legs.

 

“Ow,” Neil frowns at her. She just glares at him.

 

“Get your act together and stop pining over Olly,” She knew him too well, “Either go talk to him or don't. But stop sulking in a corner.” 

 

She puts her hand on his arm gently before she walks away again. She looks over her shoulder once though.

 

“I’m serious Neil.” Neil already knew that without Grace telling him. 

 

~   
  


Olly has searched every corner in the room and to his dissapointment couldn't find Neil. He hadn't taken a drink with him in the end, not that that mattered. He figured Neil had probably found some bloke to keep him company. He didn't blame him for that, had no right to anyway. But it makes him sad. Perhaps he had misread the situation, misread the signs Neil gave off and Neil was enjoying himself after all. Perhaps Neil wasn’t thinking about Olly at all, the thought hurts Olly more than anything. He’d love to be on Neil’s mind, like Neil is on his all the damn time. 

 

Olly had hoped for some interaction with Neil at least. A glance or a smile would have been enough. Just a reminder that Neil remembered, too. 

 

Not for the first time that night Olly considers just leaving the party, when someone taps him on the shoulder. He turns around and sees Neil holding a drink. 

 

“Hey,” Neil says awkwardly, holds out the drink for Olly, “Can I offer you a drink? It's your favourite if that hasn't changed.” 

 

“It hasn't,” Olly smiles fondly and takes the drink, “Thank you.” He thinks about how none of his other boyfriends had bothered to notice he had a favourite. It made him miss Neil even more. 

 

It was a bit sad, wasn't it? How he would always compare every guy he met since Neil to Neil. And they never ever came anywhere close to him. 

~   
  


Neil looks at Olly taking a sip and doesn't know what to do next. Clearly he hadn’t thought this through. 

 

He starts playing with the strap of his watch and bites his lip a little. Stares at Olly with increasing pain in his chest because he is sure he will never get him back, that it’s all broken and he doesn’t know how to fix it. 

 

“You okay?” Olly asks, and Neil thinks he’s a bit worried.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Neil replies quickly and tries to smile. 

 

Olly raises an eyebrow, “Sure?” he says. 

 

And it breaks Neil. His hands start to shake and he wishes he could speak but the words get caught inside his throat. How could he tell Olly everything he wanted to without making this mess worse? 

 

~ 

 

Olly notices Neil panicking. He has experienced it himself enough times to know when someone else is. He wants to do this right, wants to support Neil properly this time unlike the last time Neil had been feeling bad, when Olly had fucked it all up. He holds out his hand and Neil takes it without a word.

 

“Come on,” Olly says, and starts to move away from the crowd and prying nosy eyes. Neil follows him, hand trembling in his. 

 

~ 

 

Olly takes him to the VIP bathrooms and Neil knows it isn't for a bit of fun. It's because he’s being so pathetic. And because Olly is so incredibly lovely despite it, Neil thinks.

 

“What’s wrong love?” Olly asks him gently. Drags him into a stall. It makes sense, Neil thinks, it gives them a bit of privacy. 

 

He still can’t speak, though. Can't stop shaking either. Doesn't even really remember how to breathe.

 

Olly runs a hand through Neil’s hair and then wraps his arms around Neil and just holds him. “You’ll be okay,” he whispers softly, “It will all be okay.” 

 

Neil presses his head against Olly’s neck, unconsciously breathes in the scent of his cologne. He starts matching his breathing to Olly’s slow and steady breaths. And it calms him down, like Olly had always calmed him down while they were together. 

 

~ 

 

Once Neil has calmed down, Olly knows he should probably let go of him. But he doesn´t want to, despite them being in the tiny bathroom stall for ages now. He just wants to stay close to Neil. His Neil, Olly thinks, then corrects himself. Neil isn´t his anymore. Hasn´t been his for so long, but Olly could never get used to it. 

 

“Thank you,” Neil says and his voice sounds frail. As though he is scared of what Olly will think of him. Can’t he see, Olly wonders, how much I love him after all this time and space between us. 

 

“It’s okay.” Olly smiles gently even  though Neil can’t see. It warms Olly, thrills him, that Neil hasn’t made any effort to move away either. 

 

“I’m sorry though.” Neil mumbles weakly. 

 

“You don’t have to be,” Olly says fondly, then adds in a more serious tone, “Not for anything, ever.” 

 

~

 

Neil wonders how it’s possible that Olly is still so kind and still so amazing even after Neil has been an arsehole to him and after he’s made a fool of himself. Neil knows he wouldn’t be this pleasant. Knows he hasn’t been that pleasant to be around for a while now. 

 

“I’ve been awful to you,” Neil says, “and I am sorry for that.”  He can feel his hands are starting to shake again. He wants to run and he wants to hide but most of all he wants to stay with Olly forever. 

 

“I’ve not been an angel either.” Olly says, steps back and takes a good look at Neil. It becomes too hard then for Neil, to stop himself from crying. 

 

“I miss you.” Neil says through his tears, “I  _ need  _ you.”  

 

~

 

Hearing Neil say those words, unleashes something in Olly too and tears come flooding out. 

 

“Sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Neil says and Olly shakes his head. 

 

“I miss you too, I need you too.” He says before wrapping his arms around Neil’s neck. “I’ve missed you so much.” He leans up towards Neil’s mouth and Neil closes the gap between them. It feels so good and Olly hasn’t been this happy ever since they broke up. Here is this tiny toilet stall he feels like he’s finally home. Here with Neil he finally feels at ease. 

 

He’s so chuffed, he thinks, that he accepted the invitation Grace send him. 


End file.
